I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
