I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize