Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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