Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Green mimosas i think yes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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