At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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