I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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