I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
