she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
