Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
