my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
