I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
