Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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