Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
