i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
