I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
