Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
