I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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