nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize