and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
