Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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