He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
