1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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