I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
