Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
