in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
