She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
