Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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