Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
