we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She bit a glass in half.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
