Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
