So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
