You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
