Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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