I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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