I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
