Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
