Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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