After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize