i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
