Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it glows. i had to have it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize