you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
