i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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