Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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