guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
