My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
