Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
