It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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