i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
