Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
