Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we're so committed to being not committed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize