oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
