Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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