why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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