I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think your dad took our porno
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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