he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
