Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
