I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
