I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
