I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
