I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
