Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
