my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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