I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
