sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
