we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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