A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
