What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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