Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
