Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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