Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
