Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
