hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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