so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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