I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
