You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize