....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
