i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
