At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
