Sponge bath it is.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
